To all of you who may not know yet we recently found out that Elizabeth will be a big sister. That's right we are having baby #5 and we are so excited. I wanted to let you all know a little bit about our journey as a family and why we "decided" to have a big family. I also want to respond to all those questions people have for us. This might be a long winded post but bear with me.
We started our marriage like most couples thinking we would have a few kids and then stop at some point, without thinking too much about it. When we got pregnant with James we were surprised but very happy. Over the next few years we researched birth control and prevention methods, most of which proved to be abortive in nature. We decided to start doing natural family planning (NFP). I was so excited that we could space our pregnancy's using my own body, the way God designed it. Needless to say we were shocked when we got pregnant with Seth. I was completely overwhelmed with the idea of having a baby so close to our first, especially since James was so colicky. Then Seth came along and he was so happy and joyful all the time, it made parenting so much fun. I then realized having kids close together was totally doable.
We wanted some space between our next baby and so we used the NFP method and waited till Seth was a year old before deciding to try again. I decided after Naomi that I would be okay if we didn't have anymore. I felt like our family was a good size and that we would be really happy. Then the Lord blessed us with Elizabeth and I could never imagine life without her. Our family felt complete with her. I then began to question if I wanted more kids, again.
I began to think about having more and the strain it would be and how hard it would be to homeschool and I felt overwhelmed. Thomas and I decided to wait to have another one... The Lord had other plans. After I found out I was pregnant I began to pray and read scripture and read blogs from moms with large families. I realized that I was not trusting God with my family. I was trying to take control out of fear for the future. I was putting my own selfish desires over the desires God had for my family.
At church one Saturday night we heard a sermon about not having fear for the desires God has for your life and how to determine if a desire is of the Lord or of yourself. This hit me right between the eyes. I have felt that my desire has been to raise Godly men and women that love the Lord and will become Godly men who lead and godly helpmeets, who will be crowns of virtue for their husbands. The pastor said that one way you will know if a desire is of the lord is that it is so big there is no way you could do it by yourself. Well I have to say I need the Lord if I am to raise these 5 children to be the men and women that I desire them to be, I will need the Lord daily, minute by minute.
I realized my true desire for my family and I felt very free. It was like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Now it was time to tell our family. I admit that I was hesitant to share because after Seth was born it seemed people got less and less excited and less receptive to the news. My fourth was almost no reaction or a concerned look from people. I even had strangers give me negative comments to how many children I had. I try to ignore their negativity but I must admit it gets to me. I decided to announce #5 through a onesie we made for our youngest that said big sister. My husband actually thought of the idea. It took our family here in MT a little while to get it but once they did they were so happy, it was really nice to have such support. They even asked me why I waited to tell them and I said it was because I was afraid how they would respond. I was so happy and blessed for them to tell me that they are here to support us and they couldn't even believe the comments I have received.
I realize that in following God's plan for my life I will be persecuted and judged but I guess scripture says that will happen, I have to remember that God is the only one that matters. In saying this I wanted to answer some questions I have received from people:
1. No, we do not have television but we do watch movies
2. Yes, we know how this happens
3. Yes, we are going to homeschool
4. No, we are not Mormon or Catholic
5. Yes, we have our hands full but they are full of joy as well
6. No, having kids does not cost as much as people think
7. Yes, my husband and I still have time to spend together
8. No, I wouldn't consider myself brave just blessed and learning a lot from what God has for my family
There is a great blog I found called "Large families on purpose" she is a great inspiration and resource for large families. http://www.largefamiliesonpurpose.com/. I don't know what the Lord has for our family or how many kids he will give us but I am excited for this journey and excited to know that with each child comes so much more love to our family and a greater understanding of God's love for us and the sacrifice it must have taken for him to give up his son for us.
